I have a secret confession to make. One that’s not easy for me to share.
You see, all my life I’ve been the positive one. The upbeat perky one. When things were crashing down, I would adjust my rose colored glasses and lead the positive way. Trumpets happily blaring.
This mode of being affected my personal as well as professional life. It’s no wonder that after being a TV host and stand up comedienne that I would ultimately find my way to being a motivational speaker. Loving that role for over decade, my mood was stuck on happy, happy happy!! That’s why this confession is so difficult to admit.
I’ve been feeling uncomfortable. Really uncomfortable. Really really really uncomfortable for at least 8 or 9 years. Only I pushed it away. Choosing to not pay attention.
I’m not talking about the exhaustion I faced when I discovered that I had deep adrenal fatigue and hypothyroidism a couple years ago. Which I addressed and healed. I’m not talking about the knock to off your booty symptoms of perimenopause and menopause. I’m not talking about the bone-deep exhaustion and the depression that so often comes along with being middle aged and thoroughly worn out.
Nope. I’m talking about a completely differently kind of uncomfortable. One that I feel in my core. In fact, it’s so deep I can’t even associate it with a body part. It’s in my breath. In my heartbeat. In feeling itself. You know the kind of deep I’m talking about. Right?
Facing the Unknown
For the past near decade I’ve been experiencing uncomfortable rumblings not just for myself but for the greater me, for you, for the world, for all that surrounds us, all that we grow up knowing as the structure that holds our world together. And of course that kind of uncomfortable can’t help but to spill out onto to me, my emotions, the dreams of what I want in my life and what I contribute to the world. I can’t let these feelings of fear take over me. I’m the funny women. I’m inspiring. I’m happy damn it! What will the world do without my hyper can-do-ness?
Turns out I’m not alone in these jabs of change. Many people are feeling the same uncomfortableness, the same discontentment. Unable to take action, unable to even give it a name.
What kind of change? What to change to? What’s wrong with here?
Those were my questions back to the rumblings every time I had them. Which like contractions have been slowly getting more intense and more painful over the years.
How can you take action if you can’t conceive the other end of the change? So, I would just stay where I am…in my comfortable life overlooking the rapidly changing ocean in Southern California. Hoping and praying that one day I would miraculously see the object of my change and take the necessary steps to make it a reality.
Over the years the pangs would intensify as I witnessed 911, The Secret, the 2008 financial collapse and recession, the political season of 2014-16 and the aftermath of that pitiful circus. Feeling helpless as the world that I grew up believing was stable grew not so stable.
Recently, I finally saw through to the other side of the pangs and decided to make a huge change. I also discovered why change is vitally important now more than ever.
I’ll sharing both in a Facebook Live broadcast this Wednesday January 18 at 11AM Pacific on my personal Facebook page. I hope you will join me and share your own feelings about change.
UPDATE: I shared about this change on my Youtube channel as well.